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Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
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I don't even know what to say at this point. I'm just confused and feeling so many different things right now. I don't even know how to explain a damn thing that is going through my head. It feels good to really be single for once and not have to worry about a relationship. But at the same time there is still that part of me that wants to jump right into one. But I am fighting that urge. I need to figure out alot of things. What I want, I really just need to get to know ME. Me without WE. I've always been a part of a WE, to the point where it's hard to decipher what I really enjoy and like.
There is just so much that has been going on. There are two people who I like right now. I won't name either. Both of them are amazing people and both in completely and totally different ways. And it really makes me feel good about myself to know that both of these people feel the same way about me. And that is what makes staying single difficult for me. I always want to jump into a relationship with someone when I like them. But I'm not going to do that now. I just want to have fun, enjoy life. And not have the added stress of a relationship. And a big part of that is I am sick of hurting people and being hurt. I want to make sure the next relationship I get into is going to work. And no relationship will work with anyone until I figure out what I want.
Today really started out shitty, but now I've just got a silly grin on my face. I need to go to sleep, but it's so hard to sleep lately. My mind just does not want to stop. I close my eyes and I can't get rid of all these thoughts. I guess my life is really going pretty smoothly right now. I really do know some AMAZING people. And I hope everyone who has listened to me bitch and complain understands just how much they mean to me... :)
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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1. Can you tap dance?
No
2. Do you own a pair of see-through underwear?
Yes, they are red :)
3. What color is the sky today?
it was blue earlier..now its black because its night
4. Do you own a classic brown teddy bear?
nope
5. Is Christmas your favorite holiday break?
holloween :)
6. Is there a candle by you?
yes, but it isn't lit
7. If you had an iPOD mini, what color would you have?
purple... or red
8. What song are you listening to?
Stay with me by Finch
9. Is it your favorite song?
one of them
10. How many myspaces have you had?
one
11. Have you ever made a myspace survey?
no
12. Are you wearing any jewelry?
a necklace
13. Where does your grandma live?
California and Iowa
14. Are you an angry drunk?
nope
15. Do you prefer pen or pencil?
pen
16. Are you wearing deodorant?
yesh
17. Ever been in an earthquake?
no
18. Is your birthday this month?
no
19. Do girls suck?
some do.
20. Are you afraid of the dentist?
no
21. Do you know exactly what car you want?
I like my car...
22. Have you ever bought something from ebay?
yupp
23. Ever seen "boy meets world"?
I loved it :)
24. Own a locket?
no
25. Do you share a locker?
no
26. Ever dissected anything?
yes
27. Ever had a referral?
for?
28. Still play with legos?
nah
29. Do you know when Easter is?
today!
31. Last time you wrote a note?
awhile ago
32. Ever been on a cruise?
when I was alot younger
33. Ever gotten pregnant by someone on a cruise?
no...
34. Dyed your hair?
yep
35. Like your handwriting?
nah
36. Do you eat?
Nope, never eat... I live off of gasoline
37. Are you wearing lotion?
nope
38. Last time you talked on the phone?
a little while ago I talked to Brian <333333 He always makes everything better :)
39. Do you know Victoria's Secret?
can't say I do
40. Are you nice to other people?
If they're nice to me.
41. Ever been in love?
Yes...
42. What were you last halloween?
Nothing...
43. Ever met a midget?
nope
45. Ever cut yourself shaving?
oh, who doesn't?
46. Ever owned an exotic pet?
yes
47. Is it your birthday?
no
48. Is it someone elses birthday?
I'm sure it is
49. Had a good day?
awesome day :)
50. How long did this take you?
not that long
1. Are you wearing a necklace?
yesh
2. Does your computer have a mouse?
yupp
3. Who is the main person you talk to in each of your classes?
No classes... out of school
4. Do you have a cut in your nose?
no..
5. What color is your shirt ?
maroon
6. How many bedrooms do you have in your house?
3
7. What song/last song are you are listening/listened to?
Elliot smith - Between the bars
8. What's the last mall you went to?
hmmm.... I don't remember what it's called... but it's on Gessener
9. Are you alone in the room?
nope, the dog and car are in here
10. Do you have any older siblings?
my brother is 23 :)
11. What is the last thing you ate?
a piece of cheesecake :) yummy
12. Who was the last person to come over your house?
hmmm... the mail man...
13. Who was the last person that called you?
Brian <333
15. What time is it?
12:34
16. What should you be doing?
sleeping
17. Who is the last person you IMed?
Brian
18. Did you go out to eat yesterday?
nope
19. What are you thinking right now?
Alot of things...
20. What color are you pants?
brown
21. What color is your keyboard?
white
22. What do you feel like eating/drinking?
nothing, I'm full
23. Are you in college?
nahh
24. What is the last word you wrote?
nahh
25. Are you bored?
gettin there
26. How many teeth do you have?
alot of them?
27. Miss anyone right now?
yes
28. Do you wear glasses?
no
29. What color are your shoes?
black and white
30. Are your toes painted?
yep :)
31. Last thing you drank?
water
32. Last word you typed?
water
34. Who do you love?
I love lots of people :)
36. What time is it now?
12:35
37. What are you looking at?
the computer screen
38. What's the last words you said?
bye
39. Do you have lip gloss on?
no
40. Do you have eyeliner on?
no
41. Did u realize there was no question number 33?
im not lookin at the numbers
42. Do you have a cut on your pointer finger?
nope
44. Do you have a friend named Zach?
no
45. Are you in love?
nope
46. When was the last time you went on vacation?
last time I went to new orleans...
47. Are you afraid of the dark?
only when im outside
48. Did you used to watch the show "are you afraid of the dark?"
yep
49. Are you crushing on someone right now?
sort of
50. who?
haha I give no names
51. do u love the person u got this survey from?
no, i stole it from a random person on Livejournal
NOW
Is your hair up?: yes
Is your phone right beside you? yes
Do you have a bf/ gf?: nope
Do you miss someone?: yupp
Do you wish you were somewhere else?: sometimes
Do you have plans for tonight?: sleep
Are you wearing makeup?: a little
Are you wearing chapstick?: no
Are you cold?: a little
Are you tired?: gettin there
Are you excited?: nah
Are you watching t.v.?: no
Are you wearing pajamas?: no
Who's the last person you IMed? justin
Who's the last person that called you? brian
PAST
Recently done anything you regret?: no
Ever lied?: yupp
Ever stuck gum under a desk?: nope
Ever spit at someone? yupp
Ever kick something living?: a person yes
Ever trip over your own feet?: who hasnt?
Ever had your nails done?: nope
Ever thrown up because you cried so hard?: yes
LAST WEEK
Have any plans last week?: not really
Who did you see most last week?: people i work with
TODAY
Have you cursed?: yes
Have you yelled at someone?: yes
Have you gotten mad at someone?: yes
Have you cried?: no
Have you called more than 3 people?: nope
Have you IMed more than 3 people?: yes
Have you eaten anything gross?: no
1. First thing you did this morning?:
went to petsmart
2. Last thing you ate?:
cheesecake
3. Is your cell phone a piece of crap?:
its ok
4. What's something you look forward to in the next 6 weeks?:
Going to New Orleans to visit... Hanging out with Lauryn more and maybe getting to know where to go in houston for fun
5. What's annoying you right now?:
not much
6. What's the last movie you saw?:
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
7. Do you believe in long distance relationships?:
they dont work for me...
Would you rather:
[] Ask someone out
[*] Be asked out
[] Be poor and live till you're 100
[] Be rich and live till you're 30 (i dont wanna get old...)
I would rather be happy... I don't care how old I live to be or how rich I am as long as I'm happy :)
[*] Be blind
[] Be deaf
[*]Have it be winter all year round
[] Have it be summer all year round
[] Be beautiful
[*] Be loved
[] Take a bath
[*] Take a shower
[] Never have to go to school
[*] Never have to go to the doctor's/dentists
[] Never feel physical pain
[*] Never feel emotional pain
[*] Wear glasses/contacts
[] Wear braces
'X' WHAT YOU HAVE DONE...
[x]Slept all night in a bed with a person of the opposite sex
[x] Slept all night in a bed with a person of the same sex
[x] Slept for more than 12 hours
[x] Missed a week of school or more
[ ]Put lip gloss on more than 5 times in an hour
[x] Kissed more than one person in a day
[x] Kissed more than two people in a day
[] Created a my space survey
[] Eaten a worm
[x] Jumped on a trampoline
[] Ridden a unicycle
[x] Done something special for someone else
[ ] Stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant
[] Paid more than $50 for food at a fast food restaurant
[] Got caught for cheating (on a test)
[] Talked on the phone while in the shower (id get electricuted!)
[ ]Brushed your teeth while on the phone
[] Worked in fast food place
[x] Written a poem
[] Randomly called people out of a phone book
[ ] Been on a yacht
[ ] Put bananas in your cheerios
[x] Lied to a friend to make them feel better
[x]Dated someone more than 1 year older than you
[x] Eaten frosting out of the original container
[x] Had a dream about a my space friend
[x]Fallen in public
[x]Had your pants rip
[x] Recently had a PB&J sandwich
[] Met your principal's parents
[ ] Killed an animal
[] Wished you were an only child
[] Used your friends razor with out them knowing
[x] Been unproud of a decision you made
[ ] Worked for a family member
[x]Been told you were too young
[x]Made out in a car
[x] Been to a concert
[x] Gotten away with a lie to your parents
[ ] Been dumped the night of a dance and left with out a date
[x] Been cheated on
[] Gone out with a person one of your parents set you up with
[x] Hate to admit you are wrong
[x] Ridden on a shopping cart
[x]Danced in a grocery store
[] Went into a mini mart in socks
[] Worn a tiara
[] Been in a play
[ ] Gone to church/temple more than 2 times in a week
[] Copied more than 30 CD's in a day
[]made a movie
[x] Worn 5 or more layers of clothing
[x]Been to California
[x] Been to Florida
[] Lived on a house boat
[x] Swam in clear blue water
[x]Sat in a doctors office with a friend
[x]Ran across 4 lanes of traffic
[x] Made fish lips
[]Hit on a waitress/waiter
[x] Taken pictures with a stranger
[ ] Been to Busch Gardens
[] Stayed in a hotel room with 2 other school mates
[ ] Made a public speech
[x] Been on cable television
[ ] Choreographed a dance
[x] Felt used
[x] Made a smoothie or milkshake
[x] Had fun at work
[] Watched Desperate Housewives
[x]Watched a movie so often you could quote every word
[] Listened to an *N SYNC or Backstreet Boys CD
[x]Kept something from a past relationship
[x]Given someone else flowers
[x ]Taken a foreign language
[ ] Gotten to school at 6:15 in the morning
You are
[] Short, under 5'0
[] 5'0 - 5'3
[x] 5'4 - 5'6
[] 5'6 -5'7"
[]5'8" - 6'1"
[] Tall 6'2 and up
NATURALLY
[] Blonde
[]Redhead
[] Auburn
[] Brunette
[x]Dirty blonde/brownish
[] Light brown
[] Dark brown
[] Black
[] Dont remember
[] Blue-eyed
[] Brown-eyed
[x] Green-eyed
[] Hazel eyed
[] Gold/gray-eyed
[] Silver/gray- eyed
[] Blue/green-eyed
[] Blue/grey-eyed
[] They change colors
[]Glasses
[]Contacts.
[x] Neither
[] Have them Both.
Hair Length
[]Short hair
[x] Medium
[] Long
[] Mohawk
You cant stand listening to? (What don't you like?)
[x] Country
[] Classical
[] Techno
[] Oldies
[x] Opera
[] Reggae
[] emo
[] 80's
[x] Disco
[] Metal
[] Hardcore
[] Rock
[x] Rap/hip-hop
[x] R&B
[] Classic rock
[x] Polka
The pets you have HAD or have?
[x] Cat
[x] Dog
[x] Lizard
[x] Rat
[] Ferret
[x] Bunny
[x] Fish
[] Duck
[] Horse
[x] Bird
[x] Frog
[x] Hermit crab
[] Prairie dog
[x] Turtle
[x] Hamster
[x] Snake
[x] Gerbil
[x] Guinea pig
[] Pig
[] Goat
[] Chinchilla
[] Tarantula
[] Geese
[] Chicken
[] Sugar glider
[x] Mouse
[] None
Clothing Brands you like? (you don't have to wear them)
[] American Eagle
[] Hollister
[] The Buckle
[] Abercrombie
[] Wal-mart
[] Wet Seal
[] O'neill
[x] PacSun
[] Aeropostale
[x] Dickies
[] Roxy
[] Anchor Blue
[] Guess
[x] Hot Topic
[] Lucky
[] Champs
[x] Salvation army/goodwill
[x] other thrift stores. VINTAGE!
[x] If i like it i'll wear it
[] Old navy
[] Nude
[] G Unit
[] South Pole
[] Baby Phat
[] Ecko
[] Volcom
[] Other
[] Forever 21
[]Victoria's Secret
Your confessions:
[x] I am really ticklish.
[] I've collected comic books.
[x] I read / watch the news.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[x] I don't like killing bugs.
[] I have/have had "xs in my screen name.
[ ] I cook well.
[] I have worn pajamas to class.
[] I like Martha Stewart.
[] I am guilty of typing lIkE tHiS.
[x] I'm self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[x] Gotten lost in the city.
[] Gone out in public in your underwear.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[] Been skydiving
[] Been bungee jumping.
[x] Bitten someone.
[x] Egged a house/car.
[x] Ding-dong ditched someone.
[x] Crashed into a car.
[] Been fired.
[ x] Been skinny-dipping.
Have you ever...
[x] Stolen a sign
[x ] Danced in the rain
[x ] Seen a shooting star
[] Proposed to anyone
[] Gotten stitches
[x] Eaten Sushi
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[] Ridden in a taxi
[x] Went on a cruise ship
[x] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[] Been on a plane by yourself
[x] Had surgery
[x] Seen a movie more than 3 times
[x] Been on stage
[] Gotten a black eye
[x] Memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[] Watched an entire baseball game on TV
Do you like...
[x] Old movies
[] Musicals
[x] Blasting music in the car
[] Donuts
[x] Animals
[x] Coffee
In 2006 You...
[x] Broke a promise
[x] Made a new friend
[x] fell in love
[x] Fell out of love
[x] Did something you swore you'd never do.
[x] Lied to my mom and dad
[x] Disappointed someone close
[x] Hidden a secret
[x] Pretended to be happy
[] Got arrested
[ ] Slept under the stars
[] Kept your new years resolution
[x] Forgot your new years resolution
[x] Met someone who changed your life
[] Met one of your idols
[x] Changed your outlook on life
[x] Sat home all day doing nothing
[x] Pretended to be sick
[] Left the country
[] Almost died
[x] Given up something important to you
[] Lost something expensive
[x] Learned something new about yourself
[x] Tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
[x] Made a change in your life
[x] Found out who your true friends were.
[x] Made a total fool of yourself
[x] Met great people
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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Tuesday, September 13th, 2005
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Thursday, August 18th, 2005
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I am an Animal Rescuer
My job is to assist God's creatures
I was born with the need to fulfill their needs
I take in new family members without plan, thought or selection
I have bought dog food with my last dime
I have patted a mangy head with a bare hand
I have hugged someone vicious and afraid
I have fallen in love a thousand times
and I have cried into the fur of a lifeless body
I have Animal Friends and friends who have animal friends
I dont often use the word "pet"
I notice those lost at the road side
And my heart aches
I will hand raise a field mouse
And make friends with a vulture
I know of no creature unworthy of my time
I want to live forever if there arent animals in Heaven
But I believe there are
Why would God make something so perfect and leave it behind
We may be master of the animals,
But the animals have mastered themselves
Something people still haven't learned
War and Abuse makes me hurt for the world
But a rescue that makes the news gives me hope for mankind
We are a quiet but determined army
And making a difference ever day
There is nothing more necessary than warming an orphan
nothing more rewarding than saving a life
No higher recognition than watching them thrive
There is no greater joy than seeing a baby play
who only days ago, was too weak to eat
I am an Animal Rescuer
My work is never done,
My home is never quiet
My wallet is always empty
But my heart is always full
In the game of life, we have already won
-Annette King Tucker
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Tuesday, October 26th, 2004
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This is what my friends think about me:
Cory: I've liked you since the day that I saw you sitting across the corridor from me at John Ehret, the day of the school registrations. Ha, even before school had started. I didn't talk to you, you were too pretty for me. You intimidated me. But then you wound up hanging out where I was sitting and Kitty introduced the two of us. The way you met me and Jeff was awesome. You are partly responsible for why me and Jeff get along so well. You were there when our relationship kinda started. Even though you left for awhile out of the clique and words were exchanged, I knew that all we had to do was call and you'd come back. And after awhile of us being away, I just had this gut feeling to call you and see if you wanted to hang out. When you came back and chilled with us, you saw something in me that you hadn't before. Even after all the fucked up things thats happened in the last year, even after all of it, I still want to be around you which means theres something more because if it was any other person, I'm pretty sure I would've never talked to them again. I wonder where this will go. I don't want to be weird around our friends, I don't want Jeff uncomfortable or resentful of me if we had some sort of relationship. I know you want to date me, and I like you too but Jeff comes first, so when I find out how he really feels, then we can go from there. I enjoyed tonight, and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Jeff:You're back, how that happened, i have no idea, but here you are. I got no problem with it. I never wanted you to go away, you just dissapeared. We're cool. You and cory got something going on? Good luck with that if so.
Justin: Love you too...You may act pretty evil sometimes, but it's all in fun...Same goes for me making fun of you, it's all in fun. You always say it, and I may sometimes deny it, but yes, you were my favorite girlfriend...It was awesome beacause you were like one of the guys, not in a bad way, but it was good times. I think it was one of the funnest relationships I've had, even if it was only for around 1 month.
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, October 24th, 2004
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once again your eyes make it hard to say goodbye
so i'll just keep driving
where do you wanna go?
it doesn't really matter as long as you are here with me
with me
with me
whoa, there's something in the air tonight
something that makes me feel alive and i say
whoa, what were the words that you said to me
that made me feel so special now
once again your eyes make it hard to ask you why
so i sit here knuckles tight
hands against the wheel
your head against the glass and you mean so much to me
to me
to me
whoa, there's something in the air tonight
something that makes me feel alive and i say
whoa, what were the words that you said to me
that made me feel so special now
whoa (stay with me)
whoa (stay with me)
whoa (stay with me)
whoa (stay)
stay with me
cigarettes and open air, hand in hand
i said stay with me
cuz every star that i see is brighter than the last
so stay with me
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, October 22nd, 2004
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Can't you see that i wanna be there with open arms
It's empty tonight and i'm all alone
Get me through this one
Do you notice i'm gone?
Where do you run to so far away?
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I want you to know that I miss you I miss you so
I'm writing again these letters to you on much I know
But i'm not sleeping and you're not here
The thought stops my heart
No more looking i've found her
I'm gone away...
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Friday, October 15th, 2004
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Pick a band, and complete this survey with only their song titles: Death cab for cutie
Are you male or female?: Technicolor Girls
How old are you?: 405
Describe yourself: A Movie Script Ending
How do some people feel about you?: Here Comes The Rain Again
How do you feel about yourself?: A Lack Of Color
Describe your ex: Blacking Out The Friction
Describe your views on your significant other or crush: You Remind Me Of Home
Describe what you want: Stability
Describe how you live: Champagne From A Paper Cup
Describe how you love: All is full of love
Share a few words of wisdom: Information Travels Faster
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, October 11th, 2004
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"I know just how you feel, because i was just like you,
and this story ends so fast, you burn your fingertips
and you can't get back, the way you feel, this bitter year,
you've wasted all of your tears,
on the only one who had never even cared
Say goodbye to me, because i know I'm better off alone
You cut me up and down, like razorblades to my face,
i still regret all the time, that has walked right passed me
Hold your tongue when you say, you wish you never met me,
I'll pretend I'm ok, as i will gently crumble,
you better hold your tongue"
--
"I can't explain, what made me stay, I fall into the same mistakes,
like all good things, they never last, the past is past
I'd rather be drowning, than swimming away,
that's something that will never change,
I swallow regret, and hope for the best,
if this is all that i can do
this is why I never try, to make it seem we shouldn't leave,
this is why I never try
this air is contagious, no one can save us, but I wait
I must confess, I'm not impressed, there's nothing worse than losing you,
I must confess, I'm not the same like all good things"
--
"Taking it all back, thats every word that I said,
for every word that you could never get the nerve to say,
taking it all back, thats every promise I made,
for every promise you could never get the nerve to say
and tell me when you leave, so I can finally breathe,
though suffocating isn't so bad,
blood stains all over your bed, like finger nails down my back,
can you just wake me in the end, because i am
Taking it all back, thats every word that I said,
for every word that you could never get the nerve to say,
taking it all back, thats every promise i made,
for every promise you could never get the nerve to say
this world can swallow you whole,
but I will never be taken alive"
--
"I may never sleep knowing you're out there,
crack a smile so i know you still care,
me and your window, why it never closed,
staying til i couldn't say goodnight
You'll always be my best mistake, stay far away
There's nothing I can say, that could make you want to stay,
so throw your life away, now that you have no more chances,
you, it's always about you, and all you have to prove,
now that you have no more chances
I may never breathe if I hold my breath,
waiting til you come to your senses,
just like it began I fell into your hands,
cross my heart I never fall again"
---
I know inside, I want to live
It's just that I can't live like this
The same old ways, the same old days
The same old faces
I'm looking for the right things to say
When everything is crashing down on me
When all you want to do is sit tight
It's what I'm looking for in life
And if we all just wait a while
We'll get let down so easy now
I'm heading out
Why can't I just own up
To all my faults and lack of luck
And could this be the one thing that I truly believe
These are my faults
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Do you remember the time when you and i were fine
hiding under the apple tree there was no one but you and me
we would hide from passing cars and we would have the summer stars
and we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone
the cold wind that blows all the things i used to know
how could it play so fast never thought you'd be part of my past
would i trade it all again to get you out of my head?
cause we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone
alone
without me by your side
you said you were all alone
give me one more chance
to prove myself to you
all the little things that i long to do
...(when you run away)
would you trade the course
...(you said that you'd be)
so that i could hold you
...(coming out my front porch)
would it all go away
...(just to see me)
and my heart is breaking
would you hear me baby
as the tears are longing
for what it used to be
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Sunday, September 5th, 2004
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sparkles_of_you's journal
